Entertaining Quotes to Brighten Your Day and Make You Smile

1. “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”

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2. “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.”

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3. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”

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4. “I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

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5. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”

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6. “Why do they allow ‘silent’ and ‘listen’ to be spelled with the same letters?”

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7. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”

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8. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”

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9. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”

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10. “Some people need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.”

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11. “I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.”

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12. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.”

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13. “Life is too important to be taken seriously.”

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14. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”

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15. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”

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16. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

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17. “Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.”

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18. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’”

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19. “Life isn’t about finding yourself. It’s about finding Wi-Fi.”

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20. “I’m on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days.”

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21. “I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”

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22. “We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.”

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23. “I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.”

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24. “Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.”

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25. “Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you.”

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26. “I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.”

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27. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”

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28. “I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.”

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29. “If life gives you lemons, wait for a tequila party.”

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30. “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

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31. “My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry.”

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32. “I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time.”

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33. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

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34. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”

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35. “My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.”

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36. “I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!”

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37. “If your cup is half empty, get a smaller cup.”

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38. “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy chocolate, which is pretty much the same thing.”

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39. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

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40. “Don’t worry if plan A fails. There are 25 more letters in the alphabet.”

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